I’ve been in mourning. Mourning the loss of my freedom. Wishing to have more without giving anything up. I made a list of all the things that make be cry when I think about leaving my business of free-lance writing and consulting: long commutes, walking in my yard anytime I want, my office, lunch with Loved-One, fluidity…
I know, I know. In these economic times, I should be happy that I have this opportunity. Especially, since I was minding my own business and two, yes, two firms contacted me. I’m really am sooo lucky.
So why do I feel sad?
I waited to start working until my youngest of four, my Duckie, was in school. I never regretted it. I finished college while the kids grew. I loved being home with the them. Those were the best times of my life.
My career was just as successful as if I’d worked those 14 years. Maybe more. Raising children and running a household is full of leadership responsibility that really does transfer to the workforce.
I never had to decide whether to work or not when my babies were tiny. Oh what sacrifices so many women make for the sake of their careers! I never had to make that sacrifice; I had the best of both world: home when they were small, a successful career when they were in school.
That’s it. That’s why I’m sad. I’m leaving my baby. My novel. It still needs nourishing, it’s still needs my attention. How can I do that and be back in the daily grind? How can I do that and still have time for my family, which is the most important thing of all. I guess the novel will just have to die. There’s just no way I can do everything.
Hold on a minute. I took a side-trip down the road of scarcity and forgot just how rich my life is. I live in abundance. There is enough. I am enough.
I have a plan.
First a new list. Things that get me excited about a new job: a steady income, health insurance, camaraderie, intellectual stimulation, peace of mind, beautiful sunrises….
Next a writing strategy. I’ll leave early enough beat the traffic, stop at a gourmet coffee shop, and write for one or two hours before work. Yes! Thanks to the Cloud, a keyboard from Brookstone, and my iPad, I can take my baby with me. And I don’t have to sacrifice any family time, because they will all be asleep when I leave. I am, after all, an early morning person. Yippeee!
What about exercise? No more health club. Get behind me scarcity. There’s a beautiful walking path around the campus where I’ll be; plus plenty of stairs, and an in-house gym, and a yoga studio on my way home.
I took myself shopping (more on that on Photo Friday), got my hair trimmed. I’m getting a mani-pedi this week. I’m lining up a cleaning crew, so when I’m home I can enjoy what I love most in this world, that’s my Loved-One, my grown Kids, and especially the G-Kids.
Yesterday, a friend reminded me that I am not alone.
- I can take advantage of a yoga studio where my son teaches.
- Love-One will finally learn to text (personal calls in cubicle are too uncomfortable for me.)
- The cats won’t sit at my desk.
- I can listen to audio books.
- I can experiment with crock pot recipes.
Wheeee! I’m living in abundance again. This new adventure will be fun.
What else can I look forward to? Please help me grow my list.